Romantic Relationships can be broken in so many ways, and often the issues stem from us trying to make our own rules. Biblically, there are a few main ground rules I want to point out for healthy romantic relationships:
- 1 man and 1 woman only
Romans 1:18-32
1 Corinthians 6:9-10
1 Timothy 1:8-10
- Marriage is for life
Matthew 5:31-32
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
- Romantic relationships are not just for fun
- Romantic relationships should be between 2 Christians
2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
- God should be at the center of our romantic relationships
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
1. BEING READY TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP
Sometimes we get into a relationship to feel better about ourselves.
John 1:12 says you are God’s child
John 15:15 says you are a friend of Jesus
Romans 5:1 says you are justified and accepted by God
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 say you are bought with a price
Colossians 1:13-14 say you have been redeemed
Colossians 2:9-10 say you are complete in christ
God gives you all the identity you need, all the security you need, and all the love that you need.
It’s not at all wrong to desire a romantic relationship, but it is wrong to let a relationship (or the idea of a relationship) be an idol in your life, or your source of identity.
Sometimes people date for the fun of it, instead of working towards marriage.
Song of Solomon 8:4
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Make sure you are in the right place before you date, and don’t do it flippantly.
Sometimes we expect dating to change one of us
instead of both of us being ready to date.
You need to be equally yoked in your walk with Jesus. Beyond that, even when you are both Christians, you need to make sure you’re in a good place.
- Has God spoken this?
- Are you getting what you need from God emotionally?
- Women, are you ready to follow someone’s leadership?
- Men, Are you ready to lead?
- Are both of you at the right place in your lives?
2. DATING
Sometimes we push the boundaries of what is okay in dating.
Our culture has already drawn a line and said that if you don’t have sex while dating, you are wrong. As Christians, we don’t care what the statistics say is okay, we care what the Bible says is ok.
- Spiritually going to far too fast
leads to having an unhealthy view of spiritual leadership
and can distort what it means to make God first in your life.
- Having too much commitment too fast
leads to not working through the basic building blocks of a relationship
and gives a laxed view of commitment in marriage.
- Emotionally getting too deep too fast blocks us from seeing
who the other person really is
and makes us live in a fantasy world.
…
Saying I Love you too early pulls you away from
being real about your other emotions,
and overly-romanticizes everything that is happening.
- Spending too much time together too fast
stresses the other ares of the relationship
and hurts other relationships in our lives..
Sometimes we try and date without real input into our relationships.
When we start a new relationship, usually we like to romanticize everything about that person because we are excited, and it feels good to be wanted. But, its hard to see things how they really are. That’s why when you’re in a relationship it is so important to have someone Godly speaking into both of your lives.
Sometimes we think everything in marriage will come naturally, so we don’t need to work through anything in dating (except staying away from sex).
There is an incorrect overarching belief that dating is only about deciding whether that person is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with or not. It is, but it’s more than that.
There is a lot to work on in a relationship beyond just making sure you don't slip up and have sex:
- Driving you closer to God
- Building patience
- Sharpening who you are and helping them do the same
- Learning to really be selfless and favor the other person
- Being responsible and helping provide for the other person
- Building transparency to have they REALLY know you
- Experiencing good and tough parts of life together
- Doing a lot of what God is doing in you,
but with someone else
3. MARRIAGE
Sometimes we can think that it’s me and my spouse against the world.
Newly married couples often deal with pride:
Pride that “we’ve made it”
Pride that “I’m grown up now”
Pride that “it’s just me and them forever”
Pride that “I don’t need anyone else anymore”
Only connecting in with your spouse is unhealthy and will eventually kill your relationships.
You both need discipleship.
You both need other friendships.
You both need other couples.
Sometimes we think that our lives belong to us.
When you are married, you are 1.
Genesis 2:24
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Sometimes we can focus so much on our children that our marriage suffers.
1. God
Deuteronomy 6:5
5
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
2. Spouse
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
3. Kids
If your kids are the most important thing in your life, you are not loving God most of all, and your relationship with them will be skewed.
If you love your kids more than your spouse,
you are not laying a solid foundation for them to grow up in.
Sometimes we can get stuck in a rut, and do the same thing we’ve always done.
Ruts are going to come naturally. No matter how long you have been married,
- keep dating each other!
- Keep experiencing new things
- keep finding new ways to surprise them
- learn new ways to communicate
- keep growing
- keep helping them grow
- learn new ways to love each other
